The Doctors Appointment

The previous post was from about a week ago. I wrote it on my other blog but forgot to post it here.

I don't know why I didn't write about the experience before. I guess I just like to soak in things before I share. I met my mother at her work place and she drove from there. I'm not a great driver and I've never driven on the interstate before. To get to our agency- it requires interstate travel. Plus, it was special to have my mother along - even if she couldn't go to the actual appointment with me. My mom dropped me off at the agency and I climbed into a car with our social worker, "N". We picked up Kmom and one of her children. When we pulled up to the doctor's office, "N" commented on her eye bothering her. I asked if I could see it, and sure enough it was super red. By the time we all sat down in the waiting room her eye was blood red and swelling. She managed to get some benadryl from a nurse. In the meantime, we were escorted into the exam room. A very small exam room. 3 women, a small child, and a nurse - it was a very, very small room. The nurse brought in a glass of orange stuff that Kmom had to drink for her diabetes test. Then she says, "We will test you in exactly one hour". I had no idea that the gestational diabetes test takes a whole hour. None of us did. We all sort of looked at each other like we weren't sure we had prepared to be together for an hour. In the small room. The doctor came in. He looked a little taken back by the crowd before him. Even though he knew about the adoption stuff, I don't think he was prepared for the situation. He acted like he wasn't sure who to address in the room. All I said to him was, "Hi". I didn't say much at all. I felt like I should only be a casual observer. He did a quick sonogram. I say quick because he just squirted a little of that clear jelly on her belly and literally swiped his wand over it once. But, it was enough for me. That little bleep... bleep was awesome. It was the first time that I felt like I really was going to be a mommy (hopefully). Then Kmom asked the doctor if the sex of the baby was in the file. The doctor seemed confused, he was like - didn't we tell you before? Kmom reminded him that she didn't want to know, but she told him that the adoptive parents should know. I was floored that she actually wanted us to know. Like, it was her idea. Her suggestion. The doctor looks over at me and smiles. He flips through his file folder and asks if it would be ok if he wrote it down and put it in an envelope. I greedily shook my head yes. The nurse comes back in and starts to pull out the stirrups and that was our cue to go. "N" and I parked ourselves out in the waiting room again. Her eye was already looking better. Kmom's child had fallen asleep and because "N" was on the phone I held the kid. It was very different to be sitting in an O.B. waiting room, surrounded by pregnant women and holding a kid myself. Not my kid, but you know it was...... very...... like I didn't belong there. Some of the people who were there when we came in were still sitting there and I wondered what they thought about our crew. What, did they think the situation was - because we did turn a few heads when we all came in together. There is a racial difference. An age difference. And how normal is it for three women to come together for an O.B. appointment. Despite all of that, the biggest thing on my mind was that seemed so natural. Like of course it should be this way. We had been sitting out there for a while and "N" stepped outside to talk privately on her phone. Kmom came back. I wondered what her reaction would be if she saw me sitting there holding her child alone. She actually didn't seem to have one. I handed her child back to her and we had pretty good friendly conversation. "N" came back in and took on some of the small talk. Then a receptionist came out carrying a long white envelope and handed it to me. I felt like she was giving me the most precious gift that I've ever received thus far in my life. But, I simply slid it into my purse and redirected my attention as if it were no big deal. As the nurse had promised, we waited an hour and they told Kmom that she had passed her test. I didn't open the envelope until I was back in my mother's car. I asked my mom, "Are you sure you want to know?". Her answer was yes of course. I ripped open the envelope and it was written on an index card. I'm not going to write the sex here because it's an open blog and Kmom or "N" could stumble onto it. So, until baby comes I'm still saying Peanut on my blogs. It was an amazing experience and I am loving this whole thing.