I came across this article today and had to share it. It very accurately describes my experience with adoption loss.
"The loss of a son was devastating enough, but that is not what lingers in my day-to-day life. I can think back over the whole experience and still touch the happiness, warmth and innocence of each one of those golden days with my son. Although it is not a place I seek out on my own, it is a gift and a miracle that I turn over and over in my mind, once something brings the memories unbidden to the surface.
I sometimes wonder if it would have helped to fight. By doing nothing, we have been reassured that we have done the best we could. I have come to know this was wise advice. But it cannot penetrate the void of not even being allowed to struggle. How can one find completion in a vacuum?
Mostly there is the senseless waste of it all. The lost happiness. The lost love. Lost ownership of the past. A lost future. And the lost present of living with an empty nursery until the time when we could take up our lives and begin moving forward once more. To go forward past this impasse, we would have had to change the definition of who we were and where we were going."
