Adoption Loss: Loosing BabyZ

Adoption Loss

[BabyZ only a few hours old]

I've posted all about our story of meeting and then loosing BabyZ (formally know as El on my blogs) on my main blog.  They are lengthy posts so it seems easier to just link to them here rather than even copy&paste. 

Pictures and A Video

Mis-Matched Part 1

Mis-Matched Part 2

Note: Kmom will be know as just "K" from now on as well. 

Houston We Have A Problem

The inducement isn't happening. I really don't understand for sure what is going on, all I know is that it is not happening. I'm confused, frustrated, suspicious and tired. I need a vacation.

We Have Lift Off

We finally have a date! Kmom is being induced next Friday (July 22nd) @ 10:00 a.m. I am so excited to have a certain date. All of this not knowing has been making me crazy. We are meeting N & Kmom at the hospital. The plan as of now is for me to be in the room for the delivery. Then after the nurses and doctors are done with her, El will be staying with us in our very own room at the hospital. There we will wait the three days until Kmom signs the surrenders. The state says she has to wait three days. If everything goes well, we may have a baby sometime on the 22nd and then bring her home on the 25th. She is fairly close to her due date, so I doubt that she will be low birth weight. But, if she is we may have to wait a few days/weeks to bring her home. That will be really difficult, but I'm trying not to get to ahead of myself. Yes, Kmom could change her mind. But, again, I will deal with that if and when it happens. Right now, I am focusing on wrapping up all my preparations and being totally positive.

Disappointment

Don't get me wrong, I can deal with disappointment. It goes with the territory. But, it's never easy. Today N texted me and told me that Kmom had gone to the hospital again yesterday because she was having trouble. While she was there they gave her an ultrasound. So, she isn't having one tomorrow. I was so looking forward to seeing El in action. I've never looked at an ultrasound screen and seen a baby on there, only cysts or my weird uterus. It meant a lot to me. [sigh] Oh well. The rest of the news isn't real encouraging. The baby has turned from her breech position, but she is now sideways. Also, Kmom has made it definite that she is waiting for El to come on her own rather than provoking her arrival this weekend. Which brings me back to simply waiting and seeing. Seeing and waiting. It puts me in the mind of Eeyore - "Oh Bother!".

Ultrasound Appointment

Isn't that an amazing picture of a baby in utero. I'm sure it is probably not actually in utero but it is really neat anyway.

Friday Kmom is having an ultrasound. She had an amnio last Saturday, although we haven't heard the results. If the doctor thinks the the baby is developed enough and that it would be best for Kmom to deliver, then we may have a baby on Friday. However, Kmom isn't too thrilled about the turning, inducement, or a c-section. Basically, she would be more comfortable with El just coming on her own time. I would be thrilled if El came this weekend, but I just want everyone to be happy and healthy. At the moment I'm trying to focus on just the ultrasound.

It's A Girl!

You can't believe how hard it has been not to tell. The reason that I can tell now is that Kmom found out the sex, accidentally. She wasn't feeling well last week and went to the hospital and a nurse spilled the beans to her. Our visit went well. Kmom told us that the baby is breach. Because Kmom's health isn't good they are hoping to deliver baby on Friday. They are going to try to turn baby. But, if they can't then they will do a c-section. Kmom has said that she wants me in the room for a vaginal birth. She is allowing us to name the baby. We have chosen the name, but here I will be calling her "El". We will have our own room at the hospital for the 72 hour wait and El will room with us. I'm just more thrilled than I can stand.