Marshmallow Match

The last blog post as become our story to tell. 

4:13 p.m. - N calls and says that baby (we decided to call her Marshmallow, hubby's idea) tested positive for heroin.  She wanted to know if we were still on board.  We said we were.  She said that they were still working with birthmom (I honestly don't know her name, so I'm going to call her Mama Live because I hope she will soon begin to live her life without addiction). 

4:49 p.m. - N calls again.  She says that there had been some debate on if they should tell us the news or not because of our recent loss but N finally won out on the basis that A. she had just met with me on Friday and felt that I had been dealing with the grief very well and B. that hubby has a very unpredictable travel schedule for work.  Mama Live did not want to chose a family.  So, by default we were it.  We were the first family on the list that was open to the situation.  We were really excited. 

According to the doctor Marshmallow is doing very well.  Other than being small and a bit jittery, she is perfect so far.  We are praying that her withdrawal is as painless as possible.  From what I read it starts within the first few days of life.  I'm sort of glad that she was premature also because she will be spending probably at least two weeks in the hospital.  As far as long term affects, we just don't know.  They could be as simple as minor learning disabilities, or as bad as retardation, or anything in between.  All we can do is pray.  "R", the other social worker that is working the situation because N is out of town, said that Marshmallow is beautiful and has lots of dark hair.  Her race is sort of up in the air right now.  Some of the nurses say they think she is white, some say she is biracial.  Time will tell I guess.  Mama Live is white, so needless to say the birthdad is truly unknown.  In fact, Mama Live didn't know she was pregnant.  It is estimated that she was 34 weeks along.  It's a miracle that Marshmallow wasn't smaller. 

Mama Live is an addict, as I said.  She told R that she knows she has a problem and needs help but she isn't ready yet.  After giving birth to Marshmallow, they took her to the nursery and Mama Live hasn't seen her.  She didn't even want to know Marshmallow's gender.  She doesn't want to meet us and she doesn't want any contact after placement.  Her only request was pictures, updates, and letters to be sent to the agency over the years just in case she later wants them.  I will gladly do it.  I'm really feeling so sad for Mama Live.  She obviously has a lot of issues and needs as much prayer as Marshmallow. 

Surrenders are scheduled to be signed on Wednesday @ 11:00a.m.  We are not allowed to see Marshmallow until she is ours.  This is really hard.  We want to be with her so badly.  Or at least to see her once.  I'm sure the nurses are wonderful and are taking good care of her, but I get these visions of her laying among dozens of other babies, no one paying her any attention.  No one bonding with her.  But, it is out of our control.  I keep praying that the Lord will put an angel with her to comfort her until I can.  I am hoping that the hospital will have room for me to stay there with her through her until we can bring her home.  If not, then I'm not sure what I am going to do.  We can't afford a hotel for two weeks (or more).  I could drive back and forth, but it's two hours each way.  We'll just have to see what happens.